The Purpose of Parenting

More and more people are deciding not to have children, and are succeeding at doing so. I guess it's not surprising when the media has put a negative connotation on being a parent. Sure, parenting is a daunting task, however by truly understanding the purposes of parenting, one can see why it is one of the most rewarding experiences a couple can embark on. I would like to focus on two purposes of parenting: to help children grow into successful contributors to society, and to develop in both parent in child a greater capacity to love.

As cliche as it may sound, children are the future. It is a simple fact. Thus, one one of the most important purposes of parenting is to help children grow into successful contributors to society. The future of this world depends on good parents. Many people want to change the world in a positive way, but feel unable to do so. The willingness to have children, and to raise them to be good people changes the world in a very direct way. If a child is loved, and cared for, as well as taught good principles, that child will be so much more prepared than the child who is neglected and left to his own devices. Parents must not shrink from their responsibility, and the childless should consider the good they can do by choosing to become a parent.

Being a parent also allows both parent and child develop a greater capacity to love. There is a special bond that can be created between a parent and child. It is a unique relationship that cannot be experienced in any other way. The feeling of responsibility that a parent has, and the feeling of dependency that a child has naturally creates bonds of love. This love does not only benefit those involved, but also gives both parent, and child to love others around them. A child with a loving relationship with parents will be better prepared to find love in a dating and marriage relationship.

Parenting can be a tremendous blessing to those who get involved. The future of our world depends on it. I firmly believe that an understanding of the purposes of parenting will help people realize the true blessing of being the parent of children.

Child Birth and Marital Happiness

There is a sad trend that is found in most marriages when a child is born. Typically marital satisfaction drops after the birth of each child, and rises after the last child leaves the home. This may be attributed to the extra stresses that a child brings on a marriage. Most people would look at the statistics, and think that they should just not bear children. However, if a marriage is properly taken care of before, during, and after the child is born, the couple can maintain marital satisfaction. There are a number of areas I could talk about but I would like to focus on the involvement the husband should have in the process. Here are five things a husband can do to fully engage in the process of child bearing, and nurturing.

1.      The first thing I believe a husband can, and should do to fully engage is to be involved in decisions before the child is born. Just because mom does the bulk of the work in child-bearing does not mean that the father should not get to help in making decisions such as, naming the baby, where and in what way to give birth, and even decisions on how the child will be cared for after birth.

2.      Secondly I think a husband should make it a priority to be involved with doctor’s appointments, and other important experiences during pregnancy. It is in a doctor’s office that one learns about the health of the baby, the baby’s gender, etc. The mother obviously has to be there, but a father should make every effort to be there too.

3.       A husband should be present in the delivery room to comfort, and hold the hand of his wife. Not only will this strengthen their relationship, but give them equal opportunity to experience the joy that comes when the child first enters the world.

4.      When the child is born, the father should make sure he stays involved in the nurturing of the child. This includes tasks such as changing diapers, and bathing the baby, and helping the baby grow into a healthy child.

5.      The father should also take opportunities to have meaningful bonding time with the child such as playing, and reading, and speaking with the baby. This will hopefully form patterns that will last throughout the child’s life.

    The key to marital happiness is not found in the absence of children, but in the consistent effort to maintain a strong marriage before, during, and after children are being born. 

What is the Effect of Social Class on Families?

This is a question I have given a lot of thought to this week. Does social class really matter? Can anyone in any class be truly happy? I wish to share with you, some if my thoughts, but I am also open to hearing other ideas on the matter.

Throughout my study, and thought this week I have come to believe that social class is very much involved in the people that we become. Many of us love to here success stories of a person who was born into to humble circumstances, but worked hard and made a successful life for themselves. But how many individuals end up in a higher social class than their parents? My personal observation is that those who do tend to be an outlier. Social class then, in many ways affects the person we become, and even the family life we experience.

With that said I still believe anyone can improve the life they have, for some it may just be more difficult. Consider the child born into a family whose parents are both Harvard grads, the father a very successful businessman, the mother a stay at home mom. This child attends a prestigious  private school from his youth,and associates with other families just like his own. Now consider another child born into a single parent home where the mother has to work two minimum wage jobs just to provide a small apartment, and food for the family. They live in a dangerous neighborhood, and the child attends public school. Which of these children is more likely to make a life for themselves? Obviously the first child. Why? Because of the social class he was born into, this child receives more advantages than does the one born into a lower class. If the second child wishes to be successful it will depend on if he can overcome mountainous obstacles. Too often the challenges are too much resulting in many people just falling into the same habits, and traditions of there parents.

There may not be a solution to this evident problem, however I believe there is one thing that would make significant improvements. We need to focus more on families! I cannot stress it enough. Regardless of social class, a child born into a stable family is more likely to succeed than other children. We need more families with a mother, and a father who love each other, and work together to raise children with morals, and a strong work ethic. Sadly that type of family is no longer the norm. Who will stand with me and defend the family?

The Family Model

This week in class we were required to write a paper on the BYU-Idaho learning model. All our classes are built around this model which essentially includes three parts: prepare, teach one another, and ponder and prove. As part of this paper we were asked to discuss how the learning model could be applied to family life, so I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the topic.

The BYU-Idaho Learning Model is set up in a way that any student can be successful; however the principles can also apply to family life as well. A family built upon preparation, teaching one another, and pondering, and proving will be better off than other families with no system in place.

There may technically be no “homework” assignments in family life; however preparation is still a vital part of a successful family. Every member should have their responsibilities, from mom and dad, all the way down to the youngest child. The preparation step in the “family” model would include household chores such as, doing dishes, cleaning bedrooms, bathrooms, etc. To be successful in this step, every family member should do everything in their power to make the house a happy and comfortable place to be, thus preparing for rewarding family life.

Families can also be greatly improved by teaching one another, the second principle of the BYU-Idaho learning model. The best way to think about this particular principle is working together to accomplish goals. Every family member has different activities they are involved in, and varying goals; a family should also have family goals. Each individual in the family should be aware of each other’s goals, as well as the family’s goals, and then work together so that everyone can succeed.

The final step in the BYU-Idaho learning model is to ponder and prove. This refers to real-life application. In family life I will refer to it as family recreation, and fun. The real-life application of the previous two steps is being able to enjoy each other’s company in daily activities. Every family needs time to spend on fun activities, which will build strong bonds of friendship, and foster love. This is real-life application of family principles.

Every family can be happy if they put forth the effort. The BYU-Idaho learning model may be geared toward students, but can be a great guide for families as well.

Trends Relating to Marriage and Family

There are many trends taking place in our society today very much relate to marriage and family relations. Many of them would not come to you as a surprise, however it is important to understand the effect of these trends. I would like to touch on a few, namely: cohabitation, premarital sex, and births to unmarried women.

More than 6.1 million unmarried couples currently live together (U.S. Census Bureau 2010). Cohabitation is a dramatic upward trend, that most likely does not come a surprise to you. Many of these couples use cohabitation as a way to find out if they could be successful marriage partners. To those part of the trend this may seem like a grand idea, I disagree. One of the main problems that I see is the lack of commitment, all the while receiving some of the benefits of a legal marriage. Living together unmarried, means at any bump in the road, you can just call it quits. Cohabitation also connects with the other trends I will discuss, especially that of premarital sex.

Along with cohabitation, premarital sex is on an upward trend, and the two go hand in hand. Once again not surprising, but it's a sad trend. In our world sex is all about the individual, rather than the couple. Unmarried people seek only the physical feelings associated with sex, thus forgetting it as a way to express ultimate love for one's companion. Premarital and casual sex, make a beautiful act meaningless.

Interconnected with premarital sex is the upward trend of births to unmarried women. By 2007. 39.7 percent of all births were to unmarried women (Federal Interagency Forum on child and Family Statistics 2010). Now that is a number that stood out to me. Studies have shown time, and time again that children born into a home with two married parents are far better off than those born into a single parent home. The effect on these children is great.

So maybe I am just an old fashioned guy with old fashioned values. Maybe I should get with the times and accept the trends of our society. I will not. There may be any number of reasons to justify cohabitation, premarital sex, and having children outside of marriage, but this does not make it right. Families are being attacked, and that is not a good thing. The future of our world depends on strong, healthy families. These trends are a threat to family life. We need to stand up for what is right, and defend family values. These dangerous trends must slow down.

Consider reading this proclamation. These are my family values.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Introduction

Hello! My name is Tod. I am a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho, studying psychology. Currently, I am enrolled in a Family Relations class, in which I will have to opportunity to blog about many of the things I will be learning. My hope is to provide the best information possible with respect to topics on the family. Feel free to leave comments, and ask questions, and we will learn together.